


The Buffer

by dovingbird



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: AU, Actually pretty Gen, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 08:06:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dovingbird/pseuds/dovingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Response to a prompt: "YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD LOVE?? i will tell you. i would love an egobang au where some chick is mercilessly hitting on danny at the bar and he's not interested and randomstranger!arin comes up and pretends to be his boyfriend so the girl will leave him alone. and then you can take it anywhere you'd like ;)"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Buffer

All right, you know what? He's Danny Sexbang. He is. He built the persona from the ground up, he has an entire half of his closet devoted to his costumes when it comes to NSP videos, and hell, he even has business cards with that name on them just for kicks. But, oddly enough, he's only Danny Sexbang about five percent of the time. Is that weird?  
  
Apparently so, because when all he wants is to grab a beer and get some space to figure out lyrics, he feels himself being watched.  
  
She's cute. She really is. She's got her blonde hair cut in a pixie cut and legs for miles. But there's no way in hell he's gonna get his writing done if he's got one of those legs curled around his barstool.  
  
He has this habit of staring off into space when he's thinking intently, and it comes back to bite him when she slides out of her booth and starts crossing the room.  
  
 _Shit._  
  
Nononono this is bad. This is very bad. She's got a hunger in her eyes and a pep in her step, and he looks away for a moment, staring blankly at his beer, and when he glances again he swears that there's even more cleavage bared than before. He hopes he's reading this wrong. He prays to Jehovah himself that she's just coming over to chinpop the bartender and get another sangria or whatever it is that girls like to drink.  
  
"Hey there."  
  
He's wrong.  
  
He smiles widely on instinct, but it's that awkward sort of painful smile that he gives small children and large dogs, he can tell. "Hi."  
  
She taps the stool beside him with her long, manicured nails. "This seat taken?"  
  
 _Shitshitshitshit-_ "No, uh, go ahead." His parents raised him to be polite. He really fucking hates them right about now.  
  
"Thanks." She sinks down onto it and crosses her legs, her high heel almost brushing against his shin.  
  
Why him? Why now? He looks sloppy. He's growing out his hair, and it's this unattractive Jewfro, and his t-shirt is the same one he wore yesterday, and his jeans have pain stains on them and are _way_ too short, and he's wearing his beat-up tennis shoes that don't do a damn thing for how enormous his feet are. There are literally zero things appealing about him right now. He nervously taps his pencil against his open notebook, a quick beat that matches his heartrate. Sort of hopes that she'll get the message.  
  
Nope. She leans over, filling the air around him with her perfume, and tilts her head to the side. "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by his handwriting."  
  
 _Oh God incoming bad pickup line-_  
  
"The way you dot your i's, for example? That means strength. And the slant of your letters? It means you're in a hurry. That you have something else you'd rather be doing." She's touching the page, and really the only thing he's hoping for is that she won't smudge the words because his handwriting sucks enough without anyone's help. "The only question is...that thing you'd rather be doing...what is it, exactly?"  
  
It takes him a moment before he realizes the implications of what she said, but blankly saying _"OhohOH, that...that was a sexual reference...I get it..."_ That'd be rude. In a way, she's probably lucky that she's pretty babealicious, because her lines are worse than his, and that's saying something. Guys don't need to be as impressed, the easy little sluts they are. But tonight, he's Dan. He's not Danny Sexbang. And he figures he might as well try to be honest. "...l-look, I, uh...I don't wanna be rude, but I've got some work I need to do, and I-"  
  
"Everybody needs a break, don't they?" She grins at him, actually has the audacity to tug the pencil out of his hand, and Jesus _Christ,_ is this what girls deal with at clubs and shit? Is he on a social justice Candid Camera?! "C'mon. Lemme buy you another drink. What're you drinking? Sam Adams, Yuengling-"  
  
"I really can't have another. I'm sorry."  
  
"Okay, look." She drops her voice, and her tone's this warm, melted buttery sort of sound that does actually make a shiver go down his spine, but he's not just led by his dick- "I'll be up front with you. I'm trying to get back at my cheating asshole of a boyfriend. So listen. If you come with me to the bathroom right now, you'll get a nice little fuck against the wall, I take a little selfie with your dick, and then we never see each other again. Mmkay? Sound good?"  
  
"No!" He's absolutely aghast at this point, borderline on horrified. "I-I don't just...sleep with girls I don't even _know,_ I'm _sorry._ " And it's true. He's gotta know them, gotta know their name and favorite color and what jokes make them laugh the hardest, he can't just-  
  
"Something wrong, sweetie?"  
  
That wasn't her. That was a guy. It takes Dan a second to realize that the guy's speaking to him, and he looks at him just in time to see him toss his arm around Dan's shoulder. The guy's got shoulder-length hair, brown with a thick blonde streak down the front, and a rather fetching pair of eyes, and Jesus, but that's weird, because he might be an eye guy but he's never really found them attractive on a dude. Straight as an arrow, he is. "Huh?"  
  
The guy grins at him. "I leave you alone for five minutes to take a shit and you're already pissed. Nice." He looks up at the girl and shrugs. "Absolute lightweight, really. I hope he's not bothering you."  
  
She blinks a few times. "You know him?"  
  
"Duh." He scoffs. "Been with him...God, what was it, babe, five years now?" He wiggles his fingers, and a gleam of the low light catches on the ring on his left hand. "Proposed to me yesterday. We're out celebrating." And then he leans in, as if to press a kiss to Dan's ear, and whispers against it. "Play along, man, this girl's a shark, even I can tell that."  
  
His whole face flushes, but he knows he's gotta try and roll with the punches. "Naw, I-I've only had the one, though-"  
  
"Liar," the guy growls with a smirk, and his cheeks go a little pinker. "Absolute liar. All right, that's it. We're out of here." He tosses a couple of bucks on the bar, some ostentatious tip, before dragging Dan off his stool. "Sorry if he said anything weird, ma'am. But hey, have a good night, all right?"  
  
"No, yeah, you too! And congrats!" And she looks a little letdown, but she just turns to face the bartender with a little pout, and Dan has just a second to grab his notebook before the dude's escorting him to the front.  
  
Ordinarily he might be a little scared, but this guy doesn't look the least bit intimidating. He's a little chubby, just enough to be a tiny bit thick around the middle, and honestly? He looks a little feminine. Maybe that's why Dan's still blushing. It's not because he smells good or anything. They get outside and the guy immediately lets him go with a chuckle. "You're no good at that, are you?"  
  
"Huh?" Dan blinks with huge eyes.  
  
"Making a graceful exit. Jesus Christ, dude, it was kind of pathetic to watch, actually."  
  
Dan breathes out a chuckle, rustling his hair before sticking his pencil behind his ear. "Well, I'm glad somebody was entertained, at least."  
  
"Endlessly, me and the wife both." He pauses, glancing over his shoulder. "Told her to follow me in about a minute. You should be safe, though. Just, uh...might wanna wait for a few days before you come back here, so the bartender doesn't keep talking."  
  
Dan can't help it. He grins wider. "What, that's it? My fiance's just gonna leave me on the curb for another woman?"  
  
"Uh, technically _you're_ the other woman." The guy smirks at him again, leaning against the wall. "And it's just not gonna work out."  
  
"What a shame," Dan deadpans. "And here I was thinking I'd get to touch dicks with another guy at last."  
  
The guy flicks his eyes over Dan at that statement, biting his bottom lip to stop his laugh midway through. "...you draw?" he asks, staring at the notebook.  
  
"No, I, uh...I write. I'm in a band."  
  
"Yeah? Nice. What's it called?"  
  
"Ninja Sex Party."  
  
"No kidding," he says a little dryly. "What's your music about?"  
  
"Pretty much exactly what it says on the tin."  
  
"Nice," he says again, grinning. "I think I might've heard some of your stuff before, actually."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Dinosaur Laser Fight?"  
  
"Holy shit, yeah, that's us!"  
  
He laughs. "You not used to getting recognized?"  
  
"Fuck no."  
  
"Guess if you were, you'd have a wingman."  
  
"A buffer, you mean?"  
  
"Either way." The guys shrugs. "Listen, I gotta get out of here once the wife shows, but lemme give you this..." He starts rooting through his wallet, brows furrowed in concentration. "I'm an animator. Trying to get my start, just like you are. So if you're ever interested in any animation, maybe a music video or something, I might be able to help you out." He holds out his card. "My site's on there. Check it out."  
  
"Cool." And Dan's still riding so high on being noticed that he doesn't even look at it. "What's your name?"  
  
"Arin. You?"  
  
"Dan."  
  
"Nice to meet you." They shake hands just as a girl with inky black hair and winged eyeliner for days comes out of the door, looking this way and that. "Whoop, that's the Suze. I gotta get out of here. But hey, check out my stuff, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, man, for sure!"  
  
Arin grins at him, holding his eyes in a long, lingering sort of way that makes Dan's skin tingle a little. "Catch you later?"  
  
"Totally."  
  
So he heads off and Dan just stands there for a moment, basking in recognition, and waits until Arin's disappeared around the corner with his girl before he sinks back against the wall and looks at the card. And what he sees about makes him pee his pants.  
  
Egoraptor. That was Egoraptor.  
  
Holy. Fucking. Shit.  
  
And if he happens to get a boner right there in the streets just from the shot of adrenaline in his veins, then so be it.


End file.
